


Waiting To Be Burnt

by Azurame_Neve, Mauve Larkspur (Azurame_Neve)



Series: Our Choices [2]
Category: Original Works
Genre: Arsonist, Character Deaths, F/M, Fantasy, Ghosts, Insanity, M/M, Mentions of child neglect, Multi, Read at Your Own Risk, Reincarnations, Spirits, Supernatural Elements, Unrequited Love, cross-dressing, mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24516724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azurame_Neve/pseuds/Azurame_Neve, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azurame_Neve/pseuds/Mauve%20Larkspur
Summary: First, the world's so grey that it's boring. When the first spark comes alive, grey eyes brighten at the sight of warm orange.One man once said, "All you need is Love." and the sacrifices that comes after is nonsensical. Even freedom.ORThis is Kirigaya Shunsuke's side storyaka Second Prequel to the Main Story,We'd All Disappear
Relationships: Chigusa Yori & Amane Machiko, Chigusa Yori & Kirigaya Shunsuke, Chigusa Yori & Kirigaya Shunsuke & Amane Machiko, Chigusa Yori & Kirigaya Shunsuke & Amane Machiko & Sakae Taki, Kirigaya Shunsuke & Sakae Taki, One sided Kirigaya Shunsuke/Sakae Tsubaki, One sided Sakae Tsubaki/Yasu Tsubasa
Series: Our Choices [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721935





	Waiting To Be Burnt

**Author's Note:**

> I'm having more of the side character's stories than the main story, maybe I should just give up on it?

**The world only goes worst before it can be better.**

**As oxygen fills the air, the fool walks against the smoke towards the fire.**

**"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me"**

**The fool never learnt, even if he was burnt to death.**

* * *

Before he could see properly, before he could understand-

There is always an angry voice in his mind.

_" **Burn**. Burn it all down!"_

The voice will repeat itself until it softens and become quiet after no replies.

* * *

[0] Colorless World

When he was old enough to look at the world around him, there was nothing but grey and grey.

Of course, he's not color-blind per say, it's just that everything is just so _boring._

'It's strange for toddlers like me to think so,' Shunsuke realized that he was a bit different from others.

He understood faster than his peers, he knew how to read the mood and atmosphere. He looked at his surroundings, there were many people around him.

His parents, his grandparents, tutors, peers and maids, everyone unnerved by his quiet stares, too less crying and well-mannered despite no one teaching him. Hence, nobody would ever look at him in the eye except for his parent’s spare glances.

And _maybe_ , that's enough for him.

Happiness is not about quantity, after all.

~~Is it?~~

Being born into the Kirigaya family meant little, they were small, members decreasing by the months. They were more affiliated to the Yasu and are directly related to the Kamiya and Sakae. They were meant to be backups, followers. However, over the years, the Kirigaya has set up a business and as it grows, a heir was soon required.

Thus, comes Shunsuke and his role. ~~A sacrifice.~~ A gentle person who will take up the business and flourish it.

* * *

[1]His Role

Nobody was born because they wanted to, they were just there because of unspoken reasons.

 _'Reason that are waiting to be found and denied.'_ There's a voice that talks to Shunsuke, he doesn't know who but he listens because he understood but at the same time doesn't.

Shunsuke is the second born child and was left alone often due to the first born child's illness. His brother's weak body steals the attention of his parents, leaving Shunsuke in the hands of the maids instead. 

Shunsuke is the heir, and he is to study and study. He will not have time for anything else that doesn’t benefit his future, hobbies are like myths and doesn't exist no matter how much his peers tries to argue. Friends of his choice are not allowed at the slightest. 

His brother didn’t have any chronic illness that would gradually kill him, but because of the tears and gentle whispers, he grabbed all of their parent’s attention.

Shunsuke merely stared at his food, placed oh so perfectly in front of him. The flooding dining room of the maids' bustling and the laughter coming from next door. The bedroom of his brother.

'It's fine,' Shunsuke tells himself as he swallows the cold rice. Ignoring warm tears that welled up.

 _'At least you still got food,_ ' The voice in his mind tells him and he pretends he didn't hear them.

* * *

[2]His Wish

All Shunsuke ever wanted to hear his parents say was just a short two words, "Good job!"

It was such a normal thing to receive, even his teacher would repeat it when he just cleans up the classroom. 

But it would never happen, the duty of the one who is next to succeed the family business, was heavy. Shunsuke just needed to learn and learn and _learn_ until he was at the top of the class. Nothing more, nothing less.

Shunsuke was a young child when it all happened when he was forced into higher education, whereas his older brother stagnated, neglecting everything just because of his weaker constitution. Shunsuke watched as his parents ignored his test papers, for the horribly folded origami his brother did half-heartedly.

Once, Shunsuke pointed out that they were messy. All that got him were his parent's glares and mouthing of 'Get out'.

Eventually, Shunsuke understood the word, **'Silence'** as it soon became his world. 

_It’s deafening for me_

_The world's a revelry and what goes around comes around_

Shunsuke looked at the red '100' on his test papers, with stickers on it from his teachers. However, his parents never spared a look his way, finding their other son to be more pleasing. Shunsuke, who showed promise as an heir, was never good enough for a simple two word phrase. 

Shunsuke was desperate as any child would be, but he was not seen as a childin those cold, dead eyes. The voice in his mind chimes, _'Maybe you're not their child'_

_I've lost my sanity_

_But I want to keep holding on to hope_

_It's not that easy_

_But I was prepared for the consequences_

_Or maybe, I’m just afraid_

_Of losing what normal people call_

**'Family'**

One day, his parents looked at Shunsuke, his full marks and all. They nodded, leaving only a word that froze his feet to the ground, or else he would have throw up on the spot.

"Befitting." They said. 

What an emotionless praise.

Shunsuke then understood from that moment on, at the same time feeling incredibly disgusted. He finally knew what his role to play was. 

As an _heir_ not a _son or a child even-_

Shunsuke was born as a spare. As a backup.

'Oh, how _befitting.'_ Shunsuke thinks as he watches his parents leaving without any other word or advise, and for the first time in years, the voice in his mind stay quiet. 

* * *

[3]A Turn of Tables

_Looking into my eyes,_

_You say “I love you” with a fake smile_

_I don’t know what to do_

_Please, don't_ _give me that look_

 _When I know how you shower_ **him** _with love_

People only change when the peace they always thought of is gone, when there is a need to fit into a new mold. People don't change for no reason.

_'There's always a reason.'_ The voice says in a sing-song manner that makes Shunsuke starts to worry of his sanity but at the same time grateful for it's no longer silent and **dark**.

One day, someone visited their home. 

It was a family of 3, a full set of both parents and their child, the same age as Shunsuke. There stood a girl, or maybe it was a boy, it was not obvious at first sight. They had shoulder length hair that shines white but glowed blue under the sun, paired with eyes so red that it resembles a garnet.

"I'm Sakae Tsubaki, it's nice to meet you." They said and Shunsuke decided it was the first and most beautiful blessing he could ever receive.

Even if the voice in his mind that keeps screaming at him to stay away, ' _It's not what you think- It's not WHAT YOU THINK-!!_ ' before it got muted off by Shunsuke as he talks to Tsubaki.

* * *

[4]The Fire that Burns

When Shunsuke was 6 years old, he understood the logic of this world.

Shunsuke looked on silently as his parents panicked when his brother coughed blood, staining his pale white hand a deep, murky red.

Shunsuke stared at his brother, a face with dark hair and grey eyes that looks so much like his own, but different at the same time, _so weak-_

Shunsuke's face was blank, as his brother stole all the attention with his coughs. Eyes dulled at the fake cries of his brother as sweet whispers of lies from his parents chimed in in comfort. His brother would look at Shunsuke's direction, the ‘sweet smiles’ his parents claimed were always so mocking in his eyes. 

'Lies, upon lies upon even more lies. It was just a circle of never ending trickery,' Shunsuke thought darkly, but said nothing. 

Nobody listened to him the first few times, so why waste the effort to do so again?

_'The only way to get whatever you want was to be ruthless,'_ Shunsuke frowned at the voice in his mind and decided that perhaps, Life was simpler than he had thought it would be. 

Tsubaki was the first one who did not look at his brother in pity or shame, but with a blank stare, they left to walk over to Shunsuke. 

With one look at Shunsuke's face, Tsubaki told him in all seriousness, "Ruthlessness is not a solution." and Shunsuke frowns at them, clearly disagreeing. 

"Fire is," Tsubaki’s smile engraved into his mind and he failed to sleep that night. 

'Fire? As in violence perhaps? Or was it another implication or sorts?' Shunsuke ponders as he wandered into the kitchen, he remembered where the cups and tea leaves were, and he decided to make himself a cup. 

As Shunsuke waits for the water to boil while the tiny voice at the back of his mind would tell him, ' _A cup of tea will make everything feel better.'_

During the same night, Shunsuke held the cup of black tea in his lap as he sat in the kitchen.

Everything was calm and quiet, like how every night was. He looks out at the doorway as the stars are bright.

However, at the moment, he saw it. A shadow creeping towards the direction of his brother’s room. Deciding to ignore the flags popping into mind, Shunsuke sipped his black tea and all that ran through his mind was, ‘Oh. They have good tea leaves.'

Before long, there were loud screams. 

When he walked out, Shunsuke laughed for the first time in his 6 years of living. He understood Tsubaki's words and he felt happiness bubbling in his chest. 

As he watched his surroundings burn with bright orange flames, Shunsuke smiled. He stared at the burning house where he could hear his parents crying and begging for help as they fled for their lives but his brother was left in his bed. He was weak, but with the addition of his parents doting, he could not even sit up properly.

"How funny," Shunsuke commented, smiling as he watched his brother glare at him.

"Help me," He said, it was not a plea. It was a command.

Shunsuke nodded and left, he left to find his parents. He ignored the screams of his brother, Shunsuke did what he wanted to do, as he _always_ had. He followed his parents' screams, they, who ran at the sight of fire and wondered what they were doing now. 

Shunsuke found them in the bedroom, afraid of their precious _things_ burning, instead of their _sons_.

Shunsuke was disappointed at this, as he frowned when the voice in his head tells him, _'Your parents were as useless as your brother. They are nothing_ but _cowards_. _So there is no need to feel bad.'_

* * *

[5]The Sparks of New Beginnings

After the fire incident, his parents were like puppets. They moved when ordered to, ate when planned for. They did not do anything as they cried and grieved for a child they had willingly left to die. All Shunsuke could see in his parents now was how disgusting they were.

Sometimes, Shunsuke would wonder if the voice in his mind was true as the voice asks, _‘If someone told them to die, would they gladly do so? I would bet a thousand yen for it!_ '

'This is boring,' Shunsuke thought as he gazed out the window all alone in his room, like he always was. They now lived in a nearby house, belonging to a relative of theirs, the Sakae.

Shunsuke and his parents would be living in his cousin's house until their burnt one house got rebuilt. Their maids and butlers were sent back home without further notice. 

The weird part about this house, was that they were the same size, the same coloring and the same design as his old one. It was weird. They were fundamentally the same, but did not belong to his family. 

"Creepy, isn't it?" A voice called out from behind, when Shunsuke turned around he was dumbfounded.

"T-Tsubaki! Um, yes?" Shunsuke stuttered as Tsubaki laughed at him, heat rising to his cheeks at the sound. Though this time, Tsubaki told him to call them 'Taki' instead and Shunsuke never questioned why they were in a dress. 

_You're probably able to tell_

_I want to know everything about you_

_Despite a voice warning me_

_Moths are fools to think fire wasn't a foe_

Shunsuke latched onto Taki from that day forward. They walk to school, go back, eat meals together, there was rarely a time where they were apart. Shunsuke till now, never questioned why Taki wears girl’s clothes as he enjoyed the happiness that came along with it. 

They were like siblings, and Shunsuke acknowledges that. It was until a certain boy showed up. A boy with dark hair like his own but with blue eyes that looks like the night sky itself.

When he introduces himself with a blank face, "Yasu Tsukasa," 

Shunsuke decided he did not like him. The voice in his mind too agrees and he felt justified. 

_I can't take my eyes off you_

_You're an idiot that is true_

_But the weak between heart and mind_

_Made me keep falling for you like a Fool_

Shunsuke did not want to be petty, but when Taki put all her attention on the cold Tsukasa, it just would not work. Shunsuke doesn't know why bubbles of anger rises in him despite the tiny voice whispering in a horrified tone, _'It's Love!'_

He asked Taki once, on what she liked about Tsukasa and Taki answered like a high school girl in love, “Ah! He’s gentle and kind!”

Shunsuke spent a whole day wondering how or when has Tsukasa ever be _gentle_ **and** _kind._ All Shunsuke knew from Tsukasa was that he was less-caring and even colder than himself. Though, one thing goes into mind, if Shunsuke could not get her attention through ruthlessness, then Shunsuke decided to be gentle and nice. Whatever she liked, Shunsuke would try, because really, she was the one who had yet to disappoint him.

Shunsuke changed once again. 

_'Perhaps it's for the better good too,'_ The tiny voice tells but Shunsuke ignored them since he had learnt for years that voice talking to him was not a sign of normality or sanity. Everyone told him, the voice is just his imagination and he's willing to believe it too, despite the accurate warning it gives. 

~~It was as if the voice knows him better than he does to himself.~~

With small smiles and soft words, Shunsuke became entirely someone else yet no matter the changes he made, all his parents saw was the dead brother in him.

_Thinking back to when I was younger_

_All I thought of was about you_

_My hands can’t turn back time_

_Back to where things are not confusing_

Shunsuke turned his back on his parents, he did not need them anymore. He did not need their pity or love. _Not anymore._

Whoever said that being late was better than nothing, was just living a joke their whole life. 

Shunsuke shook his head, reminding himself that he's supposed to be kind and _nice._ And nice people do not swear or ditch people aside because they were useless. 

' ** _Well_** , _it defines on what nice is, isn't it?_ ' The voice in his mind asks and Shunsuke waves the thought away within the second it registers. 

_Even if I could go back_

_But it’s too late for us_

_I’m not the perfect person that you think_

_Look into my eyes, and say “I love you” with that fake smile_

_For it was better than nothing_

_And I won't ever change what I did_

Shusuke tries and tries, but always fails and it just makes him more curious on how Tsukasa is so good or _nice_ that Taki can never tear her eyes away from him.

Alas, time waits for no one. 

Shunsuke enjoyed his stay for a little bit too long, the voice in his mind however reminds him, _'A year isn't that long,'_

* * *

[6] Roles, Dreams and Freedom

_I don’t know what to do_

_Please tell me what should I do_

Shunsuke waves goodbye as he is sent away to his new home. He was disappointed when Taki never even bothered to show up, but he knew that she too was busy. _'She has a life of her own too,'_ The voice tells him and Shunsuke is starting to listen to it, agreeing that it's something that belongs to him, that the voice is _right_ but not _exactly_. However, there was a gut feeling that tells Shunsuke, he can trust the voice as it's something that _belongs_ to him. Or at least a part of him, while the voice _disagrees._

Shunsuke sighed, the attention of his parents was heavy. The constant stalking of his parents ~~cowards~~ on him, and the expectations from his new tutors, How did his brother handled it, Shunsuke did not want to know. 

Soon, Shunsuke finds himself walking into the middle school he was assigned by his parents ~~he couldn't make his own choices~~ and he started to play pretend again, keeping the gentle facade. 

Shunsuke paid attention to others, memories from school notes that he already understands to the simplest conversation he has with his peers. He wishes that the things he's occupied with would make him forget about the girl who was always in his mind, so he continued to play the role of a gentle prince. 

'Fake it till you make it,' Shunsuke hummed to himself as he smiles and only smile. 

Shunsuke despite being nice to everyone did not have too much friends. Nobody stayed long enough as they all find him _too nice_ and Shunsuke doesn't say anything when they leave.

However, first thing first, he had a goal to achieve. He goes after a girl called Chigusa Yori, who is also conveniently in his class and he sits directly behind her in class. He does it because she was in the list of people Taki said to pay attention to, because of her status and the ability she has. 

Not that Shunsuke knew what it meant, but it was a favor from his only cousin, so he didn’t deny it. Besides, it gave him a chance of freedom and care that was better than his fake-caring parents. 

Sitting under the shade of an oak tree at the schoolyard, Shunsuke sat together with Yori for lunch like any other school day. However, today was stranger because he has a lunch box.

'I never had a lunch box, because I already had breakfast and Lunch was to eat at home,' Shunsuke thinks as he opens the lunch box, ' _Those aren't food, this_ is _real food,'_ The voice tells him when he sees fresh, warm fried chicken and egg and rice. 

Looking at the lunch box that Yori gave him because they are always together for lunch but she never saw him eating so she made him one herself. Shunsuke eats and laughs genuinely as he listens to Yori and another girl who is another classmate who stayed, Amane Machiko gossiping about the little things that goes around school. 

'Maybe life isn't that bad,' Shunsuke thinks to himself and as he feels the peace and calm that comes from the soft chatters of two girls by his side. 

' _For now. For now, enjoy it while you can.'_ The voice warns Shunsuke but he was too busy in bliss.

* * *

That night, he feels the dread when Shunsuke receive a letter from Taki that they are transferring schools as well.

_'It's as planned,'_ The voice tells him, and Shunsuke gulps. He doesn't know what to expect, but he knows all the peaceful days he made will all be gone soon.

_'Not that soon, but someone else will come by. Someone who can make everything right again.'_ The voice tells him and it was the last time Shunsuke hears it, like it had accomplish it's duty. 

* * *

It takes a few years before Yasu Tsubasa appears.

Shunsuke wonders about his identity and _why_ he looks like Tsukasa but with different eye colors and before even talking to him.

Shunsuke decided he dislikes him as well, for now his close friends and cousin have become estranged and weird.

When Chigusa Yori and Yasu Tsubasa disappears together, Shunsuke wonders, what was his role in this world exactly. For following the words of someone he loves for reasons he cannot elaborate, to watching as how his colorful world will now burn into ashes and nothing. 

Shunsuke sat alone during lunch break, wondering about many things but he waits patiently for the **_someone_ **his voice told him to. 

_Because what else can he do, but to wait?_


End file.
